ENOUGH!!

I never really talk about this because it's such a touchy subject to me and it was the biggest downfall in my life but i've been thinking that I should blog about it and share my experience, plus when I write about things that had such a big impact in my life I feel a sense of relief just because I always keep everything inside..
Well back in 2004 I graduated from high school in June and Started at SLCC in Aug so I could start training for volleyball. After a couple months of school and it was towards the end of the season my friend wanted to hook me up with one of his friends, and I'm always open to meeting and talking to new people so I told him it was ok to give him my number cause I ain't down to call a total stranger lol. Well I got home from a volleyball tournament in AZ when I received a call from him, for the first 2 weeks we just talked on the phone didn't see each other just through pics lol. After him begging me to come see him I drove out to see him. After that we went on to seeing each other more and it started getting serious to where I wanted to be with him every day( I know hella sprung lol). After maybe 6 months we were so called "IN LOVE" and I would basically do anything for him, but my whole life was changing, my grades were going down, I was seeing less and less of my family, and my vball scholarship was slipping through my hands for the next season.
After about a year things got really rough in our relationship we were arguing more, fight after fight, it just got out of hand. I was seeing something different in him, anger issues and he started threatening me which I didn't take to heart cause I was just thinking it was all out of anger, until the day he first put his hands on me he didn't punch me or slap me or anything, he put his hands around my neck and squeezed it to a point where i could barely breathe. I couldn't belive something like this would happen to me I didn't really say anything to anyone just because I was scared of what might happen to him, but after that I told myself I was done! He would call me all the time and I didn't answer, even after his apologies on my voice mail I told myself I was still done. He kept calling and calling, and was starting to feel bad so I finally talked to him and after that we were back together (I know right every time I watch Tv shows or movies with women getting abused by their other half I always say "what a stupid ass girl, I would be gone the first time he put his hands on me".)Yea well i'm that stupid girl cause things got worse and worse to a point where I would get bruises on my arms,legs, neck and stomach area from the kicking, punching and being thrown into things, My brothers and cousins even beat him up one nite he was drunk and hit me at a party and my cousin called them but I don't want to get into too much detail but we were together for a lil bit over 3 years.
After those 3 years I had to end it I was very suicidal just because he made me feel like i'm nothing, he made me feel like everything i do is wrong. I'm the type of person that no matter how much i'm hurting inside i will always smile and pretend everything is ok. No one really knew how I felt and i was pretty much alone. It's hard when you feel like you have to go through your hardest times by yourself, I wish I had a close relationship with my mom so i could be able to talk to her about it and my older sister was on her mission and I felt my lil sister was too young to understand. Basically I left it upon myself to take it all in and get rid of the BS in my life. I had to do it over the phone cause I know he would think of someway to talk me out of it i let him know how i felt and hung up the phone and didn't talk to him ever since.
I had to let him go I wasted 3 years of my life with him and I lost everything. I'm grateful for the women that I am now i learned to let go of things that's happened in my past and not let it affect my future relationships. I had to learn the hard way when I met my husband who knows about what happened we had problems just because i wasn't able to trust him or get close enough to even allow myself to fall in love again. Andrew was straight up with me and told me how it is. It took me a while but I'm happy with where i'm at now Married and loving life. There really isn't a way to cope with those kind of things unless your ready to let go of it i know before i met my husband that there were other oppurtunities that I passed up because of my situation. I love my husband and forever blessed for him.